Staying Awake to Chase a Dream
by rainbowpuzzle
Summary: Future fic. Quinn and Rachel want to expand their family and Quinn would like to adopt.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Staying Awake to Chase a Dream [1/2]  
**Author:** rainbowpuzzle  
**Rating:** PG  
**Length:** 1,200 words for this part  
**Pairing:** Rachel/Quinn, side Brittany/Santana  
**Spoilers:** Quinn's storyline from season 1  
**Summary:** Future fic. Response to the prompt at **rq_meme** :_Rachel and Quinn are ready for kids, and Quinn really wants to adopt._  
**Disclamer:** I own nothing, just borrowing from Ryan Murphy and FOX. And from Muse.  
**Author's note:** I was inspired to write this while listening to Muse's beautiful song "Falling Away With You". The title is a lyric from that amazing song. Thanks to my beta **hymnsuponourlips** back at LJ who helped me a lot :) And yay for season 2 starting tonight :D. Comments are welcome and much appreciated :D

The night is silent and dark, pitch black like those nights when the stars seem to have left their jobs in the sky and went to bed. The moon is hiding somewhere behind the skyscrapers of New York City, not willing to disturb the dark of the night with its shine. New York City. The Big Apple. We've made it here, just like you had dreamed ever since you can remember. Every day, I wake up with you next to me, we start our day together just like we promised ourselves a long time ago. You go on to light up the stages in Broadway's glamorous theatres, I go on to save the lives of the unfortunate. You feed on the reverent applause and standing ovations you collect show after show, I feed on the smiles of the healing children and the relief in their parents' eyes, knowing that they will be taking their treasured child home. And sometimes it's enough. It's been enough for so many years. But now, I'm not so sure anymore.

I try to disentangle myself from your loving arms, leaving behind the warm cocoon that lulls me to sleep night after night. You're sleeping so deeply that your arm falls limp on the sheets and you don't even stir. I try to look at you, but it's so dark and I can only hear your soft breaths as you are lost in your peaceful slumber. I wonder what you're dreaming of. _If _you're dreaming of something. I certainly wish you're dreaming of what I dream all the time, whether I'm asleep or awake. A baby.

_Our _baby.

A soft little person sleeping peacefully in a cradle in the nursery next to our bedroom. Late night diaper changes, teething, the piercing cry in the middle of the night's sweetest sleep, you said. I know all of that and yet, the image of a little baby in your arms as you sing a lullaby and then tuck it in, placing a soft kiss on its little nose still invades my mind whenever I have a free moment. I know you said we're not ready, with you being on the top of the Broadway wave and me caught up in surgery after surgery and I have to admit you're right. And yet whenever I go jogging in the park, I stop to watch the happy mothers feed pigeons with their little ones, or proud fathers tossing miniature footballs with their eager sons. I imagine us coming here on sunny afternoons, holding hands and pushing the carriage together, sometimes tickling the adorable little feet peeking out from under the blanket. Maybe Santana and Britt would join us, with Nicky and Charlie running around and scaring off the pigeons. Santana would grin proudly, while Britt would roll her eyes and say "Just so we don't forget whose sons they are." You'd chuckle and kiss my cheek tenderly and I would think that life could not get any better than this.

I feel a tear in the corner of my eye and I try to blink it back. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, that I'd wait until you're ready, because one day you will be. You _have _to be. For Heaven's sake, even _Santana_ has kids. If the bitchiest person on the East Coast turns to goo when it comes to her sons, then surely my sweet, affectionate, cuddly Rachel will someday want kids. But time is passing. Charlie and Nicky have taken their first steps, have had their first birthday and are now going to kindergarten and the smiles on Brittany and Santana's faces grow day after day. So does the worry in me, the fear that you are happy enough with the spotlight and with award ceremonies where you hold my hand but I have a feeling that you would prefer to hold one of those golden statues. I worry that the closest I will get to becoming a mother is babysitting the Lopez boys or caring for the kids that I have to operate on. And I don't think that will be enough for me. That tear somehow manages to break free and slides slowly down my cheek. And because I'm lost in my thoughts and the room is so dark I don't feel you move closer to me. I only feel your fingertips softly wiping my tear away. You take me in your arms and cradle me to your chest, kissing the top of my head. God, I feel so guilty for dreaming of this when I have you and your love and it should be enough. It should be more than enough! My hold on you tightens as my tears start to roll silently down my cheeks and onto your shoulder and chest.

"I love you" I hear you whisper as you stroke my hair and my guilt doubles, so do my tears. I know you do, I love you too…it's just that…

"Baby, I know what you're thinking about." I can't say or do anything except be held by you.

"Believe me, I've thought about that many times. I see the way you look at Nicky and Charlie. You're a pediatric surgeon. It's obvious and it was obvious from the start that you'd want kids. You even gave birth so your motherly instincts are there. You know what you lost when you gave Beth away." You sigh and pull me even closer, and now I can feel you whispering into my hair.

"But me…I've never been sure that I can be a mother. I've never had one to begin with. I love the Lopez boys but I know that while we certainly have fun when we take them to have ice cream and candy floss until they're high on sugar or battle with them in bumper cars, it isn't us who have to fuss about if Nicky has a fever or if Charlie breaks another kid's favorite toy. And I was afraid of not being able to handle it when things got difficult. That I'd freak out and do something I would regret." You stop and tilt my chin up and even though it's so dark I can feel you looking at me with that intensity that you reserve only for me.

"But now I know that even if I might not win the award for America's best mom, and you of all people know how much I adore awards, I know that you're here with me and together we can give that child everything he or she deserves. I really do love you, Quinn. And I'm ready." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and it comes out as a sob. And then it all breaks and I start crying, sobbing, shaking and I'm so happy that I ask you to repeat those words just to make sure I didn't imagine them.

"I'm ready, baby. I want to have a baby with you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Staying Awake to Chase a Dream [2/2]  
**Author:** rainbowpuzzle  
**Rating:** PG  
**Length:** 1,415 words for this part  
**Pairing:** Rachel/Quinn, side Brittany/Santana  
**Spoilers:** Quinn's storyline from season 1  
**Summary:** Future fic. Response to the prompt at **rq_meme** :_Rachel and Quinn are ready for kids, and Quinn really wants to adopt._  
**Disclamer:** I own nothing, just borrowing from Ryan Murphy and FOX. And from Muse.  
**Author's note:** I was inspired to write this while listening to Muse's beautiful song "Falling Away With You". The title is a lyric from that amazing song. Thanks to my beta **hymnsuponourlips** back at LJ who helped me a lot :)

Comments are welcome and much appreciated :D

It's been so difficult this last couple of months.

You told me you want to adopt, that there are so many children who need love and affection that there really is no use in paying the insane amount of money Santana and Brittany did to finally get pregnant with the boys. And I agreed with you, because I know how happy and relieved you were when you knew Beth had a loving family that was able to offer her so much of what you couldn't. So we happily searched for adoption agencies and made plans and stayed up late night after night imagining our life with the baby. But we forgot that we live in a mean, hateful world.

The advantage to Britt and Santana's option was that they didn't have to deal with the paperwork and the cruel comments of the social services. They didn't have to undergo test after test to see if they're fit to be parents just because they are both women. They didn't have to bear being rejected twice for an adoption. They didn't have to bear losing their baby to another couple who was less busy or more 'normal' than them.

_"Miss Berry and Miss Fabray, we know how busy both of you are. Miss Fabray, you spend most of the time at the hospital, you're one of the best and most sought after pediatric surgeons on the East Coast. Miss Berry, everybody knows you practically live on Broadway. We're worried that you will not have enough time to offer a child the care he or she deserves. I'm very sorry."_ And in spite of our protest and my threats to sue them, the woman deemed us 'unqualified' to be parents. We barely made it home before breaking down and crying and holding each other until the tears couldn't come out anymore.

The second time was worse. We had passed our first tests and it was so close. We were so close to holding that little boy in our arms and taking him home. But then a scowling man came and shattered our dream again.

_"I'm sorry, but this boy cannot be raised properly without a father figure."_ And we were rejected again. Before he left, he made sure to mutter_ "You know you'll never adopt because God will not allow an innocent child be subjected to that perverse environment."_ He sounded so much like Quinn's estranged father that we were too shocked to retort and threat to sue him. And once again, we went home with our hearts broken and our hopes dashed.

You were so ready to give up hope and you buried yourself in your work. You would stay at the hospital and sleep there and take shift after shift until you could no more. I watched you pull away slowly and I was afraid. Afraid that not only we lost the chance to have a baby, but also the chance to be happy together. So I had to do something. I had to take a break from the stage and focus on making us a family. My agent, my cast-mates, my dads, my fans, even you, you all yelled at me and told me I was crazy. But I had to do this or I would lose you.

_"Baby, let's try once more. Just this once. I promise we'll meet all the requirements and they'll see what great mothers we will be_." I begged.

_"No…I can't do this again. I just can't_…" you cried slowly.

_"Please... Just once more, honey. We've got everything set up this time. Enough time, father figure, enough money, they can't pick on anything. They can't deny us forever because we're gay. This time we'll really sue them. I'll do anything I can in this world just to be approved for an adoption. We'll fight them, you know we can win." _My mind was reeling, I had to bring out all the big guns or else you wouldn't budge. I know the heartache had been excruciating but we couldn't give up. Not now.

So then we went back and tried again. I held your hand throughout the whole thing, feeling you shiver and tense.

_"Congratulations, Miss Berry and Miss Fabray. You're the proud parents of this delightful little girl."_ We cried again this time, but now they were tears of joy, of relief and we knew that we made it, we were going to have our baby just like we had dreamed. When we brought her home and put her in her soft and fluffy crib, I still couldn't get my mind to process what had happened. Little Lucy was the newest member of the Fabray-Berry family and it was the best thing that had ever happened to us.

I'm still processing it now, after more than 3 months. I look at you cradling her and sitting in the rocking chair and the soft smile on your face is worth more than any Tony, Oscar, and hell worth more than the whole EGOT thing. I'm so happy I was able to give you what you wanted. What I had come to want also.

I hear footsteps outside our apartment and I go to the door to open it.

"Carlos, I told you to stop running on the stairs!" Santana's voice could be heard in the stairway.

"Si, mama, I just want to be the first up!" the little boy answered out of breath. He appears in the doorway and latches on to my legs.

"Auntie Rachel!" I ruffle his hair and pull him up in a hug.

"Hey there, little man!" A few moments later, another pair of small hands grab my sweatpants as Nicky, the other twin, wants my attention. Somehow I manage to raise him up in my arms and bring both boys into the apartment.

"Jesus, Rachel, they're gonna break your back! They're four, not babies!" Santana's scowling face appears at the door, followed by Brittany who smiles broadly.

I welcome them in and put the twins down, to the relief of my upper body. Brittany takes off their shoes and jackets and they run in the direction of the nursery.

"They're quite the handful" I observe and Santana snorts.

"Wait till your little angel grows up. If she'll be anything like you and Quinn, then you'll be having a handful too. " I laugh and imagine Lucy doing a diva storm-out after a long rant. We follow the boys into the nursery where you've put her back into her crib and the boys are staring curiously at her. You wave at Brittany and Santana and sit back down in the rocking chair motioning me to sit in your lap. I walk over to you and sit down, kissing you on the cheek, then on the lips. Santana puts down the presents they bought for Lucy (which they buy every time they come visit, even if we told them not to) and Brittany goes to pick up Lucy.

"Hey there princess!' she coos. "Look who's here! It's your big cousins and your aunties. " She gently rocks Lucy in her arms before sitting down with her, the boys gathering around her. "Your mommies love you so much, little ladybug. Mommy Rachel will sing to you so you can have sweet dreams all the time and Mommy Quinn will chase the bad away and make sure you never get sick." I look at you and you have tears in your eyes.

"And you know who I am, right? I am Auntie B who will teach you all the great dance moves as soon as you start walking. And that over there is Auntie S who will make sure to buy as many pretty presents as she can. Right, Auntie S"? Santana smiled and nodded slowly. She was a secret sap, though it was not so much of a secret anymore.

"And this here is Nicky, who will teach you how to ride a bike and play ball with them."

"And Charlie will chase you up the stairs all the time." Santana added with a chuckle.

I honestly believe this is what heaven looks like. The two of us, more in love than ever, with our beautiful daughter and with our best friends and their adorable boys.

"I'll chase her down the stairs too!" Charlie exclaimed with conviction and the mushy spell was broken, leaving place to laughter and jokes and games.

_I think our lives have just begun_.


End file.
